Psychiatrist explains: How to recognize that you are overly concerned with your feelings

When we focus on something, it often seems much bigger in our minds than it actually is. This applies, for example, to an itchy nose when we try not to scratch it—but also to our feelings.

"Our brains are amazing filtering machines, trained to filter out vast amounts of stimuli that would otherwise be overwhelming at once," explains psychiatrist Dr. Samantha Boardman on "Psychology Today." "It's only when we bring something into the spotlight that it enters our consciousness. The more we focus on something, the bigger it seems ."

We put the spotlight on our emotions

And that's exactly what we can experience when dealing with our emotions. "There's nothing wrong with feeling your own feelings," says the expert. "What worries me is getting fixated on them. When we pay attention to difficult feelings, they tend to grow instead of disappearing." That's like fertilizing weeds. And yet, that's exactly what we're advised to do if we want to improve our mental health. "When you think about it, that's exactly what some forms of therapy do."

"In my experience, mentally strong people don't spend countless hours exploring and understanding themselves," the psychiatrist clarifies. "They don't try to 'find' themselves." Boardman doesn't know anyone who has ever truly found themselves—and in her opinion, that's a good thing. "It means we're all constantly evolving."

How our feelings can prevent us from acting

Talking about what's bothering you can sometimes be helpful—but not if it leads to shirking reality or avoiding necessary steps. "The truth is: You don't have to understand your feelings to move forward with your life."

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According to the expert, when in doubt, we should spend less time digging through our emotions and desperately trying to understand them, and instead take action.

How we can finally take action

According to Samantha Boardman, mentally strong people usually do two things:

1. They accept their feelings – instead of getting lost in them

They know that feelings will go away on their own as long as we don't continue to nurture them. They don't deny or suppress their pain, but they don't allow it to dictate their lives.

2. You take action.

Their behavior is purposeful and conscious. They recognize that they can't control what goes on in their minds, but they can control the actions they take. They take responsibility for their behavior, regardless of how they feel.

When we use our feelings to excuse our behavior and justify what we do or don't do, things become problematic, according to the psychiatrist. "That's rationalization," she explains. "Not asking for what you want, speaking up, or listening—all of these are choices."

We've become emotionally insatiable and rely too heavily on our feelings to guide us. "There's nothing wrong with feeling your feelings—but don't give them the microphone," Samantha Boardman summarizes her advice.

mbl Brigitte

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