Psychology: We don’t want to say these sentences to ourselves anymore

Many of us—especially women—tend to blame ourselves for things we can't do, to blame ourselves rather than others, and to generally be very hard on ourselves. We often forget that our thoughts shape our reality. And if we constantly say nasty things to ourselves and set standards that we can't possibly meet, our mental health will likely suffer at some point.

Such beliefs, which automatically pop into our heads, are often deeply rooted. We often internalized them in childhood because our parents or other caregivers may have expressed them repeatedly. Becoming aware of this isn't easy. We often don't even notice how we talk to ourselves. It's high time to change that. We want to delete these statements from our inner dialogue.

From now on we will no longer say these sentences to ourselves 1. "I really deserve this piece of cake"

Newsflash: We don't have to earn food. Not even "unhealthy" food or sweets. We're basically allowed to eat whatever we want, whenever we want. Of course, it makes sense to make sure our bodies get enough nutrients and don't live exclusively on chips and gummy bears. But we don't owe it to anyone to eat healthy.

And the basic attitude that we have to earn food by doing a particularly intensive workout or having a stressful day certainly doesn't help us find a healthy approach to nutrition.

2. "It's not that bad, I'm probably overreacting."

Of course, it's useful to self-reflect and ask yourself whether a reaction is appropriate in that particular moment. But if we constantly belittle ourselves and ultimately even gaslight ourselves by not acknowledging our own feelings, we're doing ourselves or the relationship in question any favors.

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For example, if our friend is at least half an hour late to every meeting, it's perfectly legitimate to be annoyed. Anger ultimately means nothing other than that our boundaries have been violated. And of course, we can consider whether these boundaries are appropriate, but ultimately, we decide what works for us and what we need to have our needs met. And also what we are unwilling to accept in return.

3. "I really messed that up again, typical!"

Mistakes are human; we all make mistakes now and then. Recognizing this is an important step. The crucial question is how we deal with the knowledge that we, as human beings—like everyone else—are fallible. If we beat ourselves up and beat ourselves up when we make a faux pas, we're doing ourselves more harm than we realize.

Because our thoughts influence how we feel. And if we constantly think negatively about ourselves, it will likely make us feel worse. Therefore, we should practice becoming aware of such nasty thoughts about ourselves and gradually replacing them with more benevolent ones, such as "I messed up there. I'll definitely do better next time."

mbl Brigitte

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