Psychology: How to confidently deal with difficult people

Our environment influences how we feel. The negative energy of the people around us also negatively affects us. If the colleague at the next desk is constantly complaining, it will eventually drag even the most positive person down. Therefore, we should avoid surrounding ourselves with such toxic people as much as possible. Energy vampires, people who manipulate us or constantly belittle us – it's best to stay away from such people.

The problem: Unfortunately, we can't always choose whether we want someone in our lives. In our professional environments, we sometimes encounter difficult personalities, and in our families, there may also be people we have to see at least once a year for Grandma's birthday. So, how can we best deal with such toxic people without letting them drag us down?

How to skillfully deal with toxic people 1. Set boundaries

We should listen carefully to ourselves and our needs in every situation and set clear boundaries when we don't feel comfortable. This is even more important than usual when dealing with toxic people. Because the more we allow ourselves to be drawn into these people's negative thoughts, the more we absorb them. Setting clear boundaries is therefore essential.

This could be a time limit—for example, limiting a conversation with a colleague that cannot be avoided for professional reasons to a specific period of time—or a clear no. If someone tries to drag you into their gossip, change the subject, for example, and make it clear that you don't want to talk about it. If someone repeatedly attacks you personally, you could say that you'd be happy to continue the conversation with them on a factual level. If the other person can't do that, you should leave the situation as quickly as possible.

2. Cognitive empathy

There's a very important difference between cognitive and emotional empathy: If we are cognitively empathetic, we can rationally understand what someone is going through—but we don't necessarily feel it ourselves, as is the case with emotional empathy. This distance is important when dealing with toxic people.

We can try to understand why someone behaves the way they do—perhaps because we know the family dynamics or traumas that lead to toxic behavior. But we should always be careful not to let our counterpart's feelings overwhelm us. Highly empathetic people, in particular, often find it difficult to draw a line here. But you can practice this and thus manage to have compassion for the person—but not tolerate their toxic behavior.

3. Hold accountable

If you have to spend time with the toxic person regularly, sometimes it's not enough to distance yourself emotionally and mentally. In this case, you should confront them and clearly state what's bothering you. It's best to use "I" statements rather than accusatory statements to avoid unnecessarily escalating the conflict. For example, you could say: "I value you as a colleague and am happy to be there for you, but I don't feel comfortable with you constantly criticizing our boss in front of me."

Depending on the level of trust in the relationship, you could also recommend that the person in question seek professional help if, for example, they constantly complain and see everything negatively. This could be a sign of serious mental health issues.

4. Stay with yourself

In particularly difficult cases, however, even the best arguments, strategies, and boundaries often don't help. If meeting such a person is unavoidable—say, the unpleasant uncle at Grandma's birthday party—you can try mindfulness. In other words: breathe really deeply. Consciously relax your shoulders and breathe in and out slowly. It might also help to visualize something particularly beautiful—a beach, your cozy home, or your pet. Anything that helps you stay grounded and not get swept away by the toxic person's negativity.

mbl Brigitte

#Topics